So on February 13th, I got a concussion literally bouncing my head off the ice at the pleasure rink at the Lake.  Since then, the massive haematoma that was the result of the impact, has changed size and shape and is now an egg sized boggy haematoma.  Its squishy.  In many respects kinda gross and interesting at the same time.  Because its at the back of my head, I can’t get a good look at it and I have been told its an angry red colour.

The other day, I did go to the walk in clinic as my throat hurt like venom spewing razor blades were forced down my throat through my sinuses.  Since I was there I also asked about the Siamese twin trying to escape from my head.  Apparently, because of where it was, it was goingto take time and unless it was still there in ANOTHER six weeks, there was nothing that the local medical professionals were going to do about it.  I even asked if it could be drained.  Nope.  It was there because there was no break in the skin when my head and the ice met. 

Well there was a break in the skin … and today I discovered it.  I have had an itch on the lump since I got it and have tried since then to gently scratch the itch with out causing much discomfort to the Twin.  Today I succeeded and it’s a bittersweet relief.  Sadly the Twin has … disappeared.  Grossly, all the old viscous blood has run and oozed out of my head.  On the plus side I can wear my helmut now … yeah just a bit of closing the barn door after the horse bolted, and I can get my hair cut!  I was NOT letting anyone, no matter how skilled near the back of my head with scissors while the Twin was still trying to escape!

Bye bye boggy haematoma, it wasn’t nice having you.  And I am not sad to see you go.  You will not be welcome to return, and I will do my part to keep you away!

Turns out you can choose your family … well on Facebook any way. 

Today I made the choice to finally take one of my sisters off my Facebook.  Biologically, I have three sisters and one brother.  All of them are significantly older than me.  I really only communicate with one of my sisters and my brother.  The other two … well … I don’t at all.  One sister waited until hours before I was to put my family on an airplane nearly three years ago to say the words …. “You can’t stay at my house with out my being here.  I don’t know you, I don’t know who you are!” and that was not all that was said, but those words right there STILL cut me to the core in my heart even now, nearly three years later.  Some welcome home, let me embrace my niece I haven’t seen in over four years and please let me love on the new niece and nephew that I have not yet met because they were born in another country and were several thousand miles away from me.  It has been said to me more than once over the past 2 1/2 years that those may not have been that sisters words, but the words of someone else.  Regardless of whose words they are, she said them.  And I have not heard anything from her since I hung up the phone all those years ago.  Not even an email saying hello and talking to me as if nothing happened.  But that’s her loss because I am one incredible sister and she is missing out on the the love of three incredible children.  Yes I have chosen this to a degree, but the crux of that conversation was that she was mad at me because I lived MY life, according to MY wants and needs and not HER direction.  That’s why I took her off my Facebook … 2 1/2 years ago.

Now the other sister I don’t talk to  …. only recently I took her off my Facebook because she had nothing, not one thing positive to say to me ~ about ANYTHING!  The one Sister I do speak with, said she was talking to that other one and was asked by her, “why does (Insane Mother of Three) keep deleting my comments on Facebook?”  Okay, why not ask me?  Why not pick up the phone and ask the horses mouth?  She has my email address, why not send me an email?  Facebook allows you to send messages to people both on and off your friends list.  So once again, another means to contact me, but no.  That might require eating humble pie.  That might require facing the really REALLY horrible sh*t in your life.

I’m not saying that people can not say difficult things to me, but if there is no balance, why do I need to keep a negative, draining, negative, agghhkkkk influence in my life?  Yes of course we all want only the positive, rays of sunshine, everything’s happy people in our lives, but we all know that just doesn’t happen.  In to our lives some shadow must fall.  I’m okay with that.  I’m okay with sometimes hearing the necessary truth, even when its really hard to take.  But for my life and that of my children, I am not going to just sit by and let that type of person in my life, over take my life.  I’m big enough and ugly enough to raise my children as I see fit, stand on my own two God given and strengthened legs and feet, and I will choose who is in my life and why.  The fact that you are related to me by blood, that doesn’t matter.  I will choose my sisters and they will be sisters that bring balance to the table.  They will be the ones who praise my accomplishments, remind me of my truths, wipe my tears when I cry, and hold me up when I can’t stand.  And they will love me for who I am and the balance I bring to their lives.

I have to give thanks to Winsome01 for taking me on a very rare night away from the Monsters for my birthday.  We went to the Delta Lodges Kanaskis for the evening. And while it was Family Day weekend and the place was crawling with kids … they were not mine!  I got to watch all the other parents dealing with children and for a change, it wasn’t me!  It was a really nice break and while it was incredibly short, it was too long at the same time. 

Thank you Winsome01 for a great evening.  And totally treating me like a princess …

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Here we are once again, IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!  And yes, I’m 25 ~ AGAIN!

I remember a TV commercial for anti again skin care and I think it was Jane Fonda who said, “I don’t plan to grow old gracefully, I’m going to fight it every step of the way”.  In my head, thats my motto. 

While it might not be the thought process the advertisers anticipated, I have always thought that about my own life.  I am going to try to live it to the fullest!  Some call me immature, I prefer to think of it as young at heart!  I laugh with my children.  I enjoy what I do and look forward to doing new and exciting things with each coming year!

So there you have it folks!  I’m old enough to know better, young enough to do it again and hopefully wise enough to not make the same mistakes twice!

Oddly enough as it happens I was born on a Sunday …

“And the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blithe, and good, and gay.”

… and then there are moments like these …

If you ever have an opportunity to go and see this production, DO IT!  I went with the Monsters before Christmas, and they had a BLAASST! But it was so much fun on an adult level too.  We really had a great time, the theatre was beautiful and the cast was terrific.  Healthy Weighty Wee Man even sat still for the entire production!

After much explaining to Healthy Weighty Wee Man on the way to the theatre, that we were going to see a real life Cat in the Hat and it was not our neighbour and no Mummy wouldn’t be going as Thing 2 this time.  You see at Halloween, I dressed up as Thing 2 with my friends and neighbours to go to a fancy dress party.  Once the show started, HWWM looked at me and whispered, “Mummy, this is NOT Cat in the Hat! This is Horton Hears a Who!” 

On Sunday afternoon I hit my head on the ice while (standing still) ice skating with my son.  I not only got a nasty grade two concussion, I also got a lump and a headache that hurts like an arthritic trapeze acrobat that missed not only the trapeze, but the safety net on the way down.  Yeh. That much.  I have spent the better part of a day and a half baked on Percocet, and that still didn’t take the pain away.  Yeah not fun.  Yes, I’ll wear my helmet next time.

What has really struck me is that when I walk passed a mirror (because you know my house is just filled with mirrors everywhere) or relfective surface, I do not have a black eye, busted lip, swollen nose and/or other various bruises, bumps or scrapes.  That was what I saw when I had headaches like that in the past, although admittedly they were never AS BAD as it is today.  Very close, but still.  I am not sure if I am horrified that I almost expect to see that person looking at me or that I should so vividly remember what she looked like. 

Its times like this I am torn about how to feel about these reminders.  Its not like this is a wonderful reminder of what I have achieved in life and how great it is.  Its a reminder of the dark days of my marriage.  The days I would really rather forget, not only for my own sanity, but for that of my children.  They need to know what is acceptable, but they also don’t need to remember those days either.

 It was over 17 months ago that I saw that face look at me.  And that will be the last time.

For all of those who do believe (not that I’m saying I dont!) may your day be filled with the love of those around you and may it flow through your life the rest of the year long.