March 9, 2011
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clearing the air a bit
I had a conversation today and something was said to me that I just need to make sure the entire world understands. Now Im not sure if the words used in the conversation were the right ones or if the person I was talking to maybe was thinking something else. I took no offense to the conversation, but the comment, “I wasn’t sure if (it) was because of the animosity between you and Paul.”
Just to be able to understand what may or may not have been intended, and just to be sure myself, I looked up the word animosity and it is defined as “1) bitter hostility, open enmity; active hatred and 2) a hostile feeling or act”
I do not feel any hatred toward Paul. Maybe I should, but I don’t. Yes I am hurt that what happened did happen. But I do not feel any animosity toward Paul. I do feel great sadness for him. I am not happy that our lives have come to what they are. I would rather be able to visit him at the Calgary Remand Centre and try to help him. But I can’t for risk of losing my children to the custody of Child and Family Services. Yes I am getting on with my life. I would really rather have an open, caring relationship with Paul. One we could easily share our childrens lives with each other. But unfortunately that is not to be. I do try to make sure that my children do not hear me talking negatively about Paul. He is their Daddy. But no I do not hate Paul. I do not have hostile feelings towards him. Yes sometimes he has done or said something that has made me angry, but I do not hate him. Paul was once my partener in life, and somedays I miss that he is no longer in my life ~ or even allowed to be in my life.
