wintersfamily's Xanga

no new posts ... for now

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 15:20:43 GMT

Hello one and all.

I was informed yesterday by PrettyMorningSky that I need to update. And yes I do. But you see there is this thing that sadly right now Paul is not allowed to have any contact with the children, direct or indirect. I even got in sort of trouble for sending him pictures of Healthy Weighty Wee Man opening his birthday pressie .... so as some and most of the waiting posts are either about the Monsters or have pictures of the Monsters ... they have to wait until I have permission to post them. I will call the Social Worker on Monday to clarify.

Until then .... deal.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 17:19:28 GMT

Lest We Forget

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 17:15:54 GMT

In Flanders Fields
By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Please remember today all the veterans of all wars. Not just the ones that happened in the European theater. Iraq, Korea, Afganistan, Canada, the United States, Africa, China, India, Germany ... whether is was a civil uprising or a multinational battle, brave men and women fought and lost their lives so we could enjoy the freedoms we have today.

Yes I was raised in a military family, and both my Grandfathers fought in both World War I & II, my brother in law and many friends have been sent on Peace Keeping Missions in the Middle East. All in an effort for not only me and my family, but countless others to live in safety and freedom. For that I can not thank them enough.

the girls school proofs

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 01:31:26 GMT

a hard hitting truth

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 01:55:11 GMT

As many of you all know I read varying blogs, social networking websites, internet pages on a daily basis. Sometimes that is the reason I don't post here as often, I find after reading them I just don't feel worthy to write. Anyhow I am digressing.

A few minutes ago I came across this blog via one of the above mentioned sites from a blogger I read often here. What I found moved me like I haven't been moved in a long time. It moved me enough to write this post. My inspiration for this post came particularly from this post here.

Earlier this year I posted a birthday greeting to a young woman I affectionately think of as Beautiful Baby Girl. You can read that here. Some of you have known about BBG since her conception, some of you have only discovered about her and some of you have found out along the way of knowing me. But at the end of the day I was particularly moved by the above mentioned post because it wasn't just about an adoptive parent being greatful for the child they were being given to love and grow. This particular post that I read actually honoured the choice a birth parent makes and the insurmountable pain that we endure when we not only make the choice to give a baby up for adoption, but then follow through. Sometimes the pain is not only that of the actual birth parent, but grandparents and aunts and uncles of this much loved baby too.

Giving a child up for adoption is not an easy decision to make. I know. Personally. From experience. At times I still live with the pain of having placed my baby girl in her bassinet and walked out of the hospital when she was five days old. I have three gorgeous beautiful children all of whom I love and cherish deeply and the fact that I have given a child up for adoption doesn't change how much I love my children. Sometimes it makes me love them more.

Over the years as I have shared that I had given a baby up for adoption, I have met a wide variety of reactions from all sort of people. Everything from gratitude to near hatred. I have to say that these reactions have also "coloured" how I approach the subject with others. Not everyone is comfortable meeting a woman who has given a baby up for adoption. Many think upon it as the birth mother as just being plain irresponsible for letting herself get "caught out". It's not always about that. But the end result is about heart breaking choices and realizations about oneself that could be detrimental to their own mental health. Not always is the choice the "right one" for the the birth parent, both mother and father even if it is the right choice for the baby. It hurts. A LOT. For a very, very, very, long time. Sometimes, the pain hits you when you least expect it and it is debilitating. Sucking the air from your lungs, paralizing you to the point where not even tears can help you cope. Sometimes the pain is a dull building ache that continues to grow and can be identified before hitting the crescendo of emotions it carries with it.

I can not eloquently put in to words the pain and anguish that a birth parent endures and subsequently lives with for the rest of our lives. There are times we can hold and love babies with out a second thought and then there are times before the children that are to stay arrive, that a birth parent can not even look at a baby with that paralyzing, breath stealing pain taking over our body. At least I can not put this part of our lives in to words as eloquently as Sandi has on lucky 13 and counting.

Please read the post Sandi wrote. It says exactly how I have felt over the years and no doubt how I will feel at times in the future.

I must really need my head read!

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 17:48:51 GMT

Okay after Paul and I separated a few months ago, I was laid off from my job the same week. Yeah. I. Know! But it was already in the works, and really there was nothing that could have been done about it. And I really have no animosity toward the company. It was a great company to work for and everyone in it was great. The day I got laid off, the executive members that were present were more upset than I was, which in its own way was touching. But I am digressing, because I got laid off, I felt it was giving me the option again to stay at home and mind children. Not so much because I so love having children in my house as a matter of necessity.

Don't get me wrong, I love my children (as much as I try to sell them most days!) and I enjoy the company of their friends when they are over. But really, I went on to become an administrator not a childminder in my "professional life" for a reason. Now it is really necessity that makes me turn to opening my home to care for other children on a daily basis. As I have to maximize my income and having to pay out nearly $1800 a month in childcare fees plus rent, utilities, food, vehicle expenses, etc, etc, etc, I thought the best way to do this was to mind other peoples children. I am quickly realizing who does and does not discipline their children. FAST! I am definitely having my patience tested with my one full time child. I really have to wonder if she is let away with everything at home. Her parents say she has boundaries at home, but I have to wonder. So far she has thrown a fit twice now because she didn't want to eat lunch, a sandwich she was asked if she wanted and said yes when asked, at the age of five she walks around with a blankie sucking her thumb. When I told Her Parents that she would not be allowed to do so in my house (yes she can have the blankie in the house but no thumb sucking) it was responded to with, "Well I guess she has to stop sucking her thumb sometime." Yeh. Really.

Again I wonder ... do I need my head read?

ooopppppsss!! ~ bad mammy!

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 22:13:57 GMT

After spending the entire day getting caught up, I realised that I forgot to save a post for the first day of school for Oldest Large Child and Wee Blonde Child. So on 27th August, we got up and instead of heading to Day Camp, Wee Blonde Child had her first hour of school, and Oldest Large Child started her second year of school in Canada, only OLC got to go for the whole day. Healthy Weighty Wee Man got to go to Day Camp for another two days and then spend a week with me before his school started after Labour Day.

Happy Birthday Wee Blonde Child

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 01:27:41 GMT

Five years ago today Wee Blonde Child was born. Sometimes it feels like forever ago and other times it seems like just last month.

brand new

First birthday

Second Birthday

Third Birthday

Fourth Birthday

Fifth Birthday

oh what a week its been

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 19:35:32 GMT

I know its Tuesday, but the past seven days have been a roller coaster of teh greatest proportions! Like Magic Mountain proportions.

First I had a visit from Childrens Services. Due to the nature and reasons for my separation from Paul, they have become involved. If you are new to the story, read here, and here. Long story short due to the nature and level of voilence that happened during my marriage to Paul, the children are no longer allowed to see him unsupervised. And I am not allowed to supervise them. This really throws a spanner in the works as it was during those visits that I got a few hours to myself each week without having to worry about paying a babysitter. We had been talking about the possibility of reconsiling, but that is definately off the cards as I was advised that if Paul and I did reconsile, Childrens Services would remove the children from my care. Yeah there went my appetite. For the rest of the day. They are going to be seeking a court order to have it manditory for the supervised visits and exactly what the rules are going to be. Yea. Fun. NOT!

The very next day Healthy Weighty Wee Man starts vomitting. Violently. ALL OVER THE FLOOR. He woke up complaining that his stomach hurt and as that is a normal thing for him in the morning which is usually solved by feeding him breakfast, I didn't think much, if anything of it. But he is a weird sick child HWWM is. He went on like his busy little self and would stop long enough throw up, cry for a second and then continue on like nothing had happened. By dinner time he is holding food down, but just to be on the safe side and as a preventative measure because I know its about to go rampant through the house, I get the babysitter in so I can run to WalMart to get some anti-nauseant and stock up on Gatorade. While I was gone (a grand total of 40 minutes!) Healthy Weighty Wee Man has thrown up again. In his bed. All over his Blanket. Oh bother. I get that cleaned up and eventually get to bed myself only to be woken again in the night to clean HWWM up again. I hate vomit.

Thursday morning started out okay. HWWM was better (PRAISE GOD FOR SMALL MIRACLES!) and the sun was shining and all was right with the world. I had fenagled myself in to going to a formal ball on base in Edmonton with my sister, her husband and my brother and his girls, and I needed to get a little black dress. So off to Winners HWWM and I go. Dress, hand bag and a new wallet for me purchased all under $75 ~ I'm set. I go to collect Wee Blonde Child from school and head home for lunch. After lunch, we head out to do some groceries. WBC starts complaining about having a sore tummy in the middle of groceries and I didn't think much of it as I had given her some Fibre-Sure that morning and thought it was just starting to work. We find a toilet, she goes in, I think she's done her thing as she is in a better mood when she comes out and we continue shopping. On the way home, WBC falls asleep in the van so I leave her there and make sure there is enough air flowing through the garage and the van. While helping with home work, Wee Blonde Child comes in to the house having been sick on the way. Great its Thursday. We are supposed to be going to Edmonton the next afternoon and a yucky tummy bug has just hit my house. Grrrrreat!

Later that night, Oldest Large Child and I are the next to succumb to the vomitting. Have I ever told you how muc I hate vomitting? I really hate it. I hate the smell, the sight, the motion, the after taste. I HATE vomitting. So much I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

The only thing is WBC, OLC and I don't seem as hard hit as HWWM was. But I can tell you I felt it for a couple days afterward! But as we were all feeling better by mid morning Friday, we decide to go to Edmonton for the weekend. We atill have a few things left to get ready before we leave ~ like packing! and Healthy Weighty Wee Man has preschool. So I do my best to get it all together so we can trade vehicles with Paul to go on to Edmonton for the weekend. We finally get to leave Calgary about 6:30pm, its about a three hour straight drive, so we should be there for 10pm. All is good, accept HWWM fell asleep before we hit the highway and basically slept the entire way ....

As we were in Paul's truck, we also had all the gadgets that go with a man's truck. GPS, radar detector and of course a CD player. Thinking I'm going to be smart (yes you all can laugh yer little hearts out!) I plug in directions for the shortest distance from my house to my sisters house. Yeah I shold know what thinking smart does for me. NOT A FREAKIN THING! Picture this map, I live in the furthest most southern corner of Calgary, close to some major roads and highways. My sister lives in the most Northern side of Edmonton, not so close to some major roads and highways. It was pretty much smooth sailing until we come to Edmonton. At first its not so bad. then we end up on a one way street, which happens to be a hill in the middle of a park that has no other access (at least according to the GPS AND THE MAP BOOK!) other than the one way I got on to the road I was on. So now I am stuck, haven't got a clue where I am in teh grand scheme of things. And there are lots of red lights for as far a as I can see. Lovely. AND I have a re-curring chirpping "are we there yet?" coming from the backseat. yes I could have reprogrammed the GPS but what is the point when I can't even turn on to a side street BECAUSE THERE WASN'T ANY! I had the joy of sitting in the traffic until we could pass through the construction that was causing the lack of movment of vehicular structures on the road surface. We finally arrive ... at 11pm.

Saturday was a fairly quiet day for all of us. The children enjoyed annoying their cousin as only they can do, Zachery is an only child and therefore is not used to other people in his space using his things ... its sometimes intriguing to watch. My sister and I did some last minute shopping and getting her hair done, then home to get ready for our big night out!

Scrub up well don't we? Between trying to convinve me to move to Northern Alberta, my niece, The Horsey Woman, kept commenting I looked more like their sister not their Auntie!

After a slow moving Sunday, we finally climbed in the truck for our journey home. Once here it was all I could do to stay awake long enough to get the children in bed, my self ready and climb in to my own. After all we had to get ready for Monday. Monday was fairly uneventful other than again dealing with Childrens Services and again the ugliness of their involvement.

what a day!

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 20:28:19 GMT

So I have an Avon order arrive this morning and as it happens it worked for me to deliver an order to its owner and still have time to get back to collect Wee Blonde Child from kindergarten. All is well in my world for a minute. So off Healthy Weighty Wee Man and I go to deliver the order to our friend and we have a great wee visit with our friend. Then back to collect WBC from Kindergarten, head home for lunch and get HWWM off to preschool in the afternoon.

Yeah right!

After collecting Wee Blonde Child from school and having a play on the playground, we head home. We pull up to the house and reach over to the place I put my keys when I get in the van ...... no keys. NO KEYS! What the @%*(&*(^$# where are the keys! I am positive I locked the door. I am POSITIVE I PUT THE KEYS HERE! The van is searched for any possible place I can think they may have slid or been knocked to and no keys. WHERE ARE THE KEYS!?!!??? Maybe I left them in the door of the house. Not the first time I have done THAT one. NO KEYS! I gave a set of keys to the landlord, maybe someone is home there and I can get a set ... no they aren't home .... OH! MY! GOD! Back to our house, borrow the use of a phone from the neighbour call our friend we delivered the Avon to and no my keys were not with her. AGHHHHHHHH! Okay I have two hungry monsters ..... off to the McDonalds drive thru we go. Grrrrr. After that we head back to the landlords house just to see if they are home yet. And bless them, George was! So after explaining that I have lost a set of keys and the spare set is, oh, IN THE HOUSE! I get the key from him for the front door. The front door that is barred from the inside. I should have just borrowed a ladder from George. I get my hands on a ladder and now am climbing up in to the facade of the house so I can try to pop the screen out of my bedroom window so I can climb through and open the door.

If you know me at all, you know I HATE HEIGHTS! I can't even cope spending any length of time near the childrens bedroom windows because that is a straight drop to the ground. I don't do second floor balconies or patios either. I DO NOT DO HEIGHTS! PERIOD. So now I am on the facade of my house trying to get a screen to pop out of a window that is designed to go inside while having to get the window, on the inside of the screen, to open further. I was near ready to just tear the screen when another neighbour appeared beside me and we figured out how to get it open with out having to replace the screen.

Okay in I go. I feel the bruise on my leg from climbing through the window darkening as I write this. And yea the door is unlocked. But I am still missing a set of keys. Okay I inhale my McChicken whatever it was and Wee Blonde Child and Healthy Weighty Wee Man finish their Happy Meals, then the spare set of keys is pocketed and off we go to take HWWM to school and then on to Home Depot to get another set of keys cut. Back in the van at Home Depot after spending $22 in getting keys cut, Wee Blonde Child for some reason has her head on the floor and is all suddenly scrambling and shouting and then sticks her little arm up to her elbow up under the center console of the dashboard and pulls out the missing set of keys. I won't repeat the words that came out of my mouth at that point. Needless to say I wasn't exceptionally happy. So now the dilemma is where to hide a spare set outside in the event I misplace a set of keys again.