March 22, 2011
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the stone with in
I’ve been feeling recently that many people, who have not walked a mile in my shoes, have been telling me how and what to feel these days. And while at times it does elicit some feelings not of a very gracious nature, it has gotten me thinking about my “heart”. Now, I put the word in parenthises because I’m not talking about my literal heart, the one that keeps the blood flowing throughout my body, but my “heart”. The one that controls my emotions. The one that broke on the 24th of December. Oh don’t get me wrong, I still have feelings. Some even say I have the wrong ones. “How is it (I) can have compassion toward someone that has hurt (me) so badly? (I) should be angry and have “damn that man to hell” feelings!” It has made me think.
I had a vision the other day …. my heart of hearts looks like stone. Instead of hard on the outside and soft on the inside, I’m beginning to think that I am the opposite. My heart is soft and receptive on the outside. Enveloping even. I am gracious, kind, loving. For about the first three inches. Now my skin isn’t going to turn green and I’m not about to grow hair all over my body and move to a mountain top with Ella the tail-less dog. Nor am I going to be visited by three generational ghosts in the very near future. But I do wonder at times what the centre of that “heart” looks like.
