Did you know ….

everytime you let me down, you break my heart?

everytime you don’t hear my voice, you crush my spirit?

everytime you expect more from me than you’re willing to give of yourself, you lose my respect?

Did you know ….

there is more to me than what you care to see?

I have thoughts and visions that are worth hearing and exploring?

I am a force to be reckoned with and would protect you with my life?

Do you even want to know ….

I have to swallow my heart everytime my children walk out the door.

my heart break for a friend who is hurting miles away from me.

just because the wounds have healed the pain lingers. 

Let me introduce to you Dr Evil. Recently we have become friends and I have to say that Dr Evil is a welcome addition to my growing number of friends. 

Dr Evil allows me to be the person I am and at times then encourages me to be more.  Good or bad, right or wrong.  There is a growing strength in our friendship that I have come to realize I have never had before.  I can tell Dr Evil my most embarrassing moments, stupid (and I mean STUPID!) decision making choices, the results and outcomes and still feel comfortable in my skin around Dr Evil. There is not even the perception that I am being treated any different than any other person.  This is refreshing as I am forging a new life for myself.  That’s not to discount the already long standing friendship with the people who were there during those times of making mistakes and learning and growing because of them,  but I have found a subtle shift from new friends when they learn things about me that make me the person I am today.  Our pasts are our pasts, we can learn from what we have lived and encountered and become a more loving accepting person, or we can live in our closed little minds and not fully live at all.

Dr Evil is an intelligent, witty, actively fun loving person that enjoys good conversation and is then comfortable in the silence too.  There is a connection that I’m not sure either of us understands, but we have both acknowledged it, and accept it for what it is.  Both of us have been through some pretty dramatic and traumatic times in our recent pasts and neither of us looks at the other differently.  We made the choices we thought were best for us at the time and live on.

its been too long in fact. I keep writing new posts in me head and then they never get on to the computer and then here.

Much of the mundane has been happening in our lives. And simmering under the surface of the mundane is a not so mundane layer that runs, well it runs deep.

I am still mourning the loss of my marriage and with that the idea of the man I once thought to be my eternal life partner. That is a mix of emotions. There are moments when I could just break down and cry for days until no more tears would come, and then there are the moments of excitement as I think of seeking out a new life.

We are an ever evolving creature and as we progress in our lives, there are changes that are inevitable and there are changes that we wish we could make, but those are the static, nonmoving, parts of our lives. Like having children. Yes they grow and evolve in them selves, but once we are a parent, we are ALWAYS a parent.

People come in to and out of our lives for reasons we will never understand. Is it ever our lot to understand? I suppose that is the ultimate question. Even the length of time is a mystery as we mourn the loss of those that have gone out of our lives for reasons we don’t understand.

It was said to me recently, people come in to our lives for a reason, and they are they are in our lives for a season or a life time. Seasons in a lifetime are not necessarily measured in weeks or months. Seasons in a lifetime could be days, weeks, months or years. Once the reason for the people entering our lives has been discovered, the season is over. Even with that understanding it doesn’t make loss of the person any more tolerable. And we have to remind ourselves that while we mourn the loss of people in our lives, someone is mourning the fact that we are no longer in their life either.