Yes, my silence has been deafening! But what can I say? Some of what I have want to say, can’t be said because of blog etiquiette. YES. YES! I HAVE ETIQUIETTE! Just because you may not think so does not make it so! So there! Nanny nanny poo poo!
ANYHOW now that I have digressed to the maturity level of my four year old …
So much has happened and so much of it feels like “nothing”. I am often asked, “So what’s news?” and more often than not the reply is, “Much of nothing.” But more times these days I feel like I’m sensoring myself to more than just the “outside people” I’m sensoring myself to myself. Kind of like, WAIT! YOU CAN’T KNOW THAT! silently goes off in my brain and stops me from talking myself in to or out of something. Usually going for a walk or getting some excercise! Gosh knows I want my ass to stay a size 14!
I find myself learning new things about myself that I’m not so sure I want to share with the outside world. Then again over the years I have become such a different person than I once was I sometimes wonder if this is a “new me” or is it just the old me coming out once again. But how can it be the old me if the person I was then was also single and had no children? Funny how we morph in to different people when there are changes in our lives like that of having children or getting married. Who is the “real” person? And how much of us should we “share” with others. Inmy own little mind I get a thought that we give pieces of ourselves away everytime we give a bit of ourselves to someone else. I’m not sure about the visual of giving a piece of my self. I don’t see it as letting someone/thing else have control over me, but it feels that way.
Then there are the times where I know for certain someone is now in the same place I was and I want so badly for them to free themselves that I have to stop my self from telling them so. I’ve been there I know they are not going to listen. Well at least not until they are ready. I know! I was there! So my tongue and cheeks are looking much like they have been run over a grater for the amount of times I have bitten them lately from having to stop my self from telling someone else what to do. They know. They just have to come to the place of action.
I made an admission the other day about the person I am and while it hurt to think it, it felt better to say it out loud. I am head strong. Don’t tell me who I am, I will prove you wrong. Just to prove you wrong.
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